Wednesday, September 19, 2012

12 Irritating Magic Swords

I broke into the Dungeon Dozen's house last night and stole his his schtick.  I figure I've got maybe a day or two before he tracks me down, so here are 12 quirks for magic swords:

  1. Sword increases its density making itself too heavy to lift
  2. When it's annoyed, Sword goes inert, functioning only as a normal weapon
  3. Sword refuses to allow you to pick it up, scooting a few feet out of reach each time you reach for it
  4. Sword charms you into being its servant
  5. First chance it gets, Sword will jump into the hands of a better fighter
  6. Sword gets jealous of your other weapons; cuts your bow string when you're not looking
  7. Appalled at your chickenly methods, Sword yells out to enemies when you try to use stealth to gain surprise or circumvent combat; insults opponents when attempting to parley.
  8. When facing overwhelming odds, Sword refuses to leave the safety of its scabbard
  9. After its first taste of blood, Sword starts eyeballing your colleagues like they might be its next meal.
  10. Sword is pining for its old flame, the Rapier of Stabbiness.  Whenever you enter a new town, Sword coerces you into visiting armories, swordsmiths, and mercenary halls in search of news from its one true love.
  11. Sword insists on getting the final say; will always take the last blow of every combat, whether it's necessary or not
  12. Sword has a horrific case of halitosis.  Elves and other fey folk within 12' of you must save vs. nausea or vomit into their hats whenever Sword is drawn. 

1 comment:

Gary McCammon said...

13. Each morning Sword needs a cup of coffee before it'll leave its scabbard and fight.

14. Sword demands a bedtime story each night and demands you DO ALL THE VOICES.