Sartorial Sorcery: Pointy Hats Explained

I finally figured out why wizards wear those blue robes and pointy hats with the lucky charms pinned to them: the dorky duds serve as antennae for the mana that they require to cast their spells!  Hear me out: Mana floats about us unseen much like the ether that fills outer space but it can only be harnessed for magical purposes by those who can concentrate it into a useful force.  The best way to focus arcane energies is clearly to make them laugh at you.  So theurgists and thaumauturgists alike don the most garish garb they can muster in an effort to incite the mirth of mana.  An unfortunate side effect is the de facto celibacy such attire certainly causes.   

It's the same reason MUs suck at combat and yet still won't wear armor; mana serves only those who humiliate themselves.  What better way to humiliate yourself than to pursue a career where your life is constantly at risk yet the only thing between you and the dragon's maw is a silly robe and a wooden stick?  "Hahahaha," says mana as the orcs rush your ridiculously resplendent conjurer, "ok, here's your magic missile."  Mana sure has an evil wit.

Pointy ears and hat?!  Double the laughs!

This also explains why elven multi-classed MUs get to cast spells whilst wearing armor: they've got those silly ears sticking out of their helmets!  HAW HAW HAW!  From there it's easy to extrapolate why half elves are weaker spell casters than either of their parent races*: their ears have been diminished in the crossbreeding,  reducing commensurately their ability to elicit the mirth of mana.

Silliness applies to gnome illusionists as well: they've got those big-ass noses to make the mana smirk.  The forces of magic, however, apparently have an aversion to the hirsute--who doesn't?--thus halflings with their hairy feet and the profusely bearded dwarves are unable to focus the eldritch powers at all.

*as per the PHB 1978, half elves can only achieve 8th level while full elves can achieve 11th and humans are unhindered in their advancement

Un-postworthy: B-sides and misses

My publicist is constantly pestering me to make an effort to boost my presence in the Blogosphere, and one of the tactics that she keeps harping on is that I actually post stuff more often than once every month or two.  Good idea, right?  She's worth every penny.  But where to find the material?  I did some soul searching and didn;t find anything so I went to my good ol' bloglist and realized that--shit!--I've got like thirty unpublished posts just sitting there!  Some dating dating all the way back to the first week I holed up in this here corner of the internet.  I went down the list of titles to see if any of these might be worth another look and wrote up a brief synopsis of each.  I didn't actually look at the posts; these are my best guesses.
    
Here's the list in reverse chronological order:


Dungeon of Liberty
The conflict of freedom of action in the confines of the "dungeon" adventuring milieu.  Or something else.

I'm Beginning to See the Light
Why newer games suck.


Kill a Rat Scenario
A rant about rules quirks of AD&D

Original 6
An obvious hockey reference in a post dating from the beginning of the NHL season, but more likely an article about the 6 abilities in D&D.


Thac0 Again?
Wherein the Dicechucker goes off on yet another youngster who gets too close to his lawn.

Ramblin' 'bout Modules
Essay about the quirks of the L-series modules; the precursor to my Restenford Project site.

Thieves Assassins & Spies
Old Guard Accoutrements totally outdid me on this topic. 

X2 Castle Amber
Essay about the non-CAS influences of said module.


Assassins revisited for the first time
Rant about the failings of the Assassin class as penned in AD&D; most likely the precursor to the Assassin level titles series from last fall.


Going to the Bullpen
The pros and cons of rotating DMs

SF: Getting drunk
Article on intoxicants in Star Frontiers.  Ripped off wholesale from the Fronteirsman.

Modified Advanced Game Rules
Satirical bit about post-1e game rules.


Zet's Tiny People
An ode to Thundarr.

DMing As critique:
I plead the 5th.

Reverse Engineered Pre-Original Rules:
Satirical bit about the origins of D&D

Pre-Scorn AD&D:
Probably a rant wherein I say in a roundabout fashion that DragonLance can suck me. 

"Cleric" is a Profession Too
It's true; look it up if you don't believe me.

Feral Hobbits:
I'm hoping there are illustrations with this one.

Greyhawk Architecture
Self explanatory.  This one eventually became the Greyhawk Realty post.

Dice-chucker
Long-winded article about the name of this here blog.  Eventually replaced with an entry in the Lexicon

Lendorology: What IS the Secret of Bone Hill?

Anyone who can read a blog archive will realize that for the last several months I've been slacking off even by my own uninspired standards.  Largely this has had to do with real world distractions like job and family but, at least initially, this also had to do with a side project that was draining off most of my game-related energies in the beginning of the year.

Where can I buy spandex in Restenford?

I had just received a real-live, TSR-produced copy of  Lenard Lakofka's L1 The Secret of Bone Hill set on Lendore Isle. I won't pretend to be one of those old timers who believes that this module is a classic of the golden age--indeed, I have to confess that I've neither run nor played this bad boy either back in the 80's or in my recent gaming resurgence.

While it follows the general structure of a village setting with adventure locales nearby a la Keep on the Borderlands, Village of Hommlet, and probably some others, it is riddled with inconsistencies and odd notions that, sadly, would likely not have made it through the editorial process in latter day TSR.  And this may very well be what makes it so interesting as literature, as these odd notions and unanswered questions present fertile ground for the minds of readers to interpret. 

A close reading raises a whole host of questions such as why is there a casino inside a nigh-impenetrable compound hidden deep in the woods?  Why does the wizard have a lease on the Baron's tower?  And who keeps the lawn mowed on top of Bone Hill? The lords of Lendore don't offer an explanation to these mysteries; some things, one must suppose, just are.  These open ended oddities make it the single most fascinating read of any old school module.

So, using a pen and a spiral-bound notebook, I wrote a bunch of essays--warning: I was once a history major--about the mysteries of Lendore.  Some of them (actually only 2 so far) have been transcribed to non-caveman format and can be read over at The Restenford Project if you're interested.

Appendix NF: Subterranean reading

We've all heard more than enough about the famous Appendix N from the original DMG; if you haven't it's basically a bibliography compiled by Gary Gygax of the literature that inspired Dungeons & Dragons.   But I've long wondered what some of the nonfiction titles might have been that egged EGG along in his effort to cobble together a fantastical subterranean medieval combat and treasure seeking role playing game.  In my head I've been calling this list "Appendix NF"--pretty clever, eh?--and with my recent discovery of Cliff Castles and Cave Dwellings of Europe by Sabine Baring-Gould, I've found a solid contender for my own D&D bibliography.

Published in 1911, the book describes in anecdotal form hundreds of different subterranean refuges and the often eccentric nature of the inhabitants.  A century ago when the book was first published, several of these caves were still home to different segments of society--a rumored druidic cult in Loire France, vacationers in the Riviera, or a society of outcasts living in benign destitution, again in France.  These and more are described in the awesomely titled chapter "Modern Troglodytes."  Other game-boner inspiring chapter titles include "Cliff Castles," "Cave Oracles," "Robber Dens," and "Rock Sepulchres."   The number of potential dungeon ideas is endless.  If snippets like this one: "I visited old Edrie--the subterranean labyrinthic residence of King Og--on the east side of the Zanite hills" aren't enough to get your dungeon-making juices flowing then I doubt you're even reading this.

There are some illustrations in this book as well; old timey sketches by the author and occasional photographs--though not nearly enough of them to satisfy the visual demands of a 21st century gamer. But the antiquated, anglo-rific prose reeks of Lovecraft at times, such as when "A mass of cretaceous tufa has slipped bodily down to the foot of the crag."  And at a century old, this book has probably been in the public domain since well before you were born, which explains why it is readily available from numerous print-on-demand outlets as well as for those downloady computer book thingies that non-cavemen read on the bus all the time.  Hell, go over to Project Gutenberg and you'll be reading the thing for free in like 3 clicks of your mouse.

Assassination Resuscitation: The Old Man of the Mountain Returns!

Sorry New Hampshire, your craggly old man is still absent from his mountaintop perch.  I'm talking, of course, about the "old man" in northern Persia, Hassan i Sabbah, who popularized the secret society movement with his devoted throng of assassins in the 11th-12th century.

Owing to my recent obsession with the Assassin class from AD&D [see most  of my posts from October - November of last year], anything with the word assassin in it tends to catch my eye lately.  So when I was trawling the internet for cool downloads the other day, First Edition Dungeon Module I15: The Assassins of Abu-Dala by R.C. Pinnell smacked me across the oculars like an errant tether-ball.  It's a desert-based assault on a mountain fortress described as having once been "home to the old man of the mountain; better known as the father of assassins."  Nice!  Also, there's a bit about the assassins ransacking caravans and slaughtering them to a man, which may or may not be a reference to the dastardly modus operandi of the Cult of Thuggi in India--whence the term "thug"--which was yet another secret society devoted to murder.  Anyway, I dig anything with a cool historical reference that I'm even mildly knowledgeable about so I'm taking my gang of PCs through this one next.

First Anniversary Fortnight Fiesta

We're just cleaning up the cave here at Dice-Chucker Central after the fortnight-long bacchanalia that marked the first anniversary of me clogging up the internet with my vapid, pixelated fumes.  Thanks to all of you who came by to help celebrate.  Mrs. Dice-Chucker was most impressed with all of your behavior and says that you can all come back anytime.  And, though we appreciated the sentiment, despite the presence of vintage DM screens and my Robert Smith haircut, it was not an 80s theme party so whoever brought the Bartles & James and cocaine, we put them out on the back porch; feel free to claim them at any time.  Thanks again to everyone who dropped by this site over the past year.

An actual photo from the event.  That's me holding the flaming punch bowl.

Death Ray Enthusiasts Rejoice!

If, like me, your enthusiasm for death rays knows no bounds, you will want to familiarize yourself with David H. Szondy's Tales of Future Past site which documents all manner of historic death rays.  Sadly, during WWII death ray research was supplanted in favor of a device with a proven track record in mass destruction--atomic weapons--but not before crackpot scientists the world round tried their hand at the genre; most notably Mr. Nikola Tesla.  And to think there was once a time when I thought Tesla was just a band.