Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Warhammer! D-Chucker goes miniature

"My Blood is Bound! With Corn!"
Remember that kid I mentioned in my last post who started playing Donjons et Dragons? Well, on a semi-premeditated whim, I took him to the Games Workshop store near the ice rink yesterday, not really knowing what to expect except that there would be miniatures. I used to really be into miniatures, but they haven't been part of my own personal gaming renaissance to date, perhaps it's time to change all that.

So my kid and I wandered in, breathed in some glue fumes, and tried to avoid eye contact with the staffers by wandering around the periphery admiring the implements on the shelf. Alas, our efforts were fruitless, those dudes forced us to interact and even convinced me to sit through their sales pitch/game demo. The kid rolled outrageously high in the demo fight. Seriously, he rolled 7 dice with not one rating below a 5. Friggin' A.

Anyway, I walked out with a small starter selection of minis, a starter paint set and the following observations: 

  • I felt sorry for the guy running the demo for having to keep saying all these over-wrought names; I doubt he's being paid enough to say things like "Bloodbound" and "Retributor" with a straight face.
  • Sure sign that the staffers over at Warhammer Central are not on speaking terms with each other: The bad guys are called the "Khorne." Surely if their had even once been an actual conversation where someone said "Khorne" out loud, it would have been instantly obvious that, changing the c to a k and adding a couple of silent letters doesn't change the fact that the word is pronounced "corn."
  • Some of these little jokers have tied streamers around the shafts of their battle axes and warhammers. It seems pretty obvious that tying a friggin' streamer around your weapon is a really, really stupid idea.
  • The beauty of those plastic models is that they're open to a certain degree of modification. Don't like that silly head gear your Eternal Störmkåẞt Champion Bile-reaver is sporting? It's a quick snip with the pliers to excise the extraneous chapeau. Think those ornate, spiked backpacks your Cornstool Paladin Retributationer is sporting? Don't even take the thing out of the box; no one will ever notice. 
All that said, I've painted half of 'em. Need to get going so we can play already.