Xanathon III: Yada yada yada

I know you've all moved on and by continuing to harp on X3 I am committing a heinous act of post-mortem equine assault, but here I am with nothing else to say, so, with apologies to Monsieur Niles, once more into the breach.

As mentioned in previous posts, this heavily plotted adventure requires that you follow a set of prescribed "scenarios," each hopefully providing enough clues to lead the players to the next. For those wanting a refresher, here are the 5 steps to recovering from this module:

1. break into the Ducal Barracks in order to find justification for breaking into the barracks. 
   
2. investigate the temple of Cretian and contemplate why demon worship is so popular in this town
   
3. follow the mad priest's instructions on how to find the crystallized soul of a mad priest. 
4. use the Soul Crystal to bully the mad priest into doing your bidding--or just kill the jerk, and 
5. cure the duke of his madness while the Evil Draco and his henchfolk wait in ambush in a room that is 280 feet away (~1.6 km). 

Despite--or because of--this active plot line that, ahem, guides the action of this module, many of the significant encounters are described in a very static fashion. For instance, according to the key to the barracks, Draco Stormsailer, treacherous Master of the Ducal Guard, will never actually be in his lavish quarters in the Barracks; probably because he's concerned--with good reason--that the rickety stairs to the officers quarters might collapse underneath him. [There are two sets of stairs to the officers quarters on the upper level of the barracks, both of which are described as rickety to the point that they will collapse if the PCs try to bash open the door at the top of the stairs.]

Instead, Draco is permanently stationed in the Ducal Linen Closet (DLC)--along with two officers of the Ducal Guard--waiting to jump the PCs when they arrive to cure the Ducal Curse. It should be noted that there is no door connecting the Ducal Linen Closet to the Ducal bedroom, so it is quite likely that the PCs will be able to save the Duke without ever encountering Draco. There is, however, a secret door mentioned in the write up of the text that does not appear in the map. Probably the cartographer left it out on purpose as revenge for the fiasco with Xanathon's lab.

Shortest route from Draco's "ambush" to the Ducal Sleeping Chamber

The only entrance to the Ducal bedroom shown in the floor plan is from the Ducal Mistress's room (99) next door. Which means that, well, it means that someone screwed up the map. I've been trashing on this modge for a while now, but I doubt very much that this was Niles's intent. It's my assumption that there was meant to be a door from room 103 (Ducal Sitting Room) into room 107 (Ducal Boudoir) and a secret door to connect room 105 (Ducal Dressing Room) to 107--though who would bother putting a secret door to their dressing room? Especially since there is a non-secret door from your dressing room to your sitting room?

Demotion in the Ranks

In addition to Draco two other officers of the Ducal Guard are listed as "not present" when the PCs raid the Barracks in stage 1 of this fiasco: Draco's High Commander will be with his mistress in town while one of his two Captains's quarters will be unoccupied by its resident Captain. We do learn that the High Commander is a 9th level fighter while the Captain is a 6th level fighter.

We also know that, back in the Ducal Linen Closet, Draco's two companions-in-ambush are a 9th level fighter, and a 6th level Fighter. It seems safe to assume that these are the same individuals who were absent from the barracks, except that the 9th level fighter is now called "Captain" and the 6th level fighter is called "Lieutenant." Which means that Draco must be displeased with them as he has busted his High Commander down to captain and his captain down to Lieutenant. Which probably make sense depending on how things went in stage 1. If the PCs slaughtered and hacked their way through the barracks killing off one third of the entire force, then, yeah, you might demote your remaining officers. 

It should be noted that there are no lieutenants listed in the barracks.

Curse of Xanathon Part II: The Playtest

If you read part 1 of this endeavor, you'll already understand that the action of this module hinges entirely on whether the PCs can be baited into storming the barracks of the city guard in hopes of finding the secret note from the Big Bad that will crack this case open. What case? Yes, that's the thing. 

Curious as to whether PCs would actually follow the lead provided in the module, I decided to run a
playtest. And thanks to a Perfect Storm© of events  I was able to run not one but two separate groups through part 1 of X3 Curse of Xanathon. The groups were: 

Group 1: the now-teenaged kid who lives in my house and his likewise-teenaged cousin, playing in person and using DCC Lankhmar characters (and rules).

Group 2: my old gang from the cenozoic era playing AD&D/Castles n' Crusades mashup rules online via Roll20--what a pain in the ass that was.

Group 1

Despite all my griping, it was surprisingly easy to get the Youth Group to follow the plot. They immediately decided that they would break into Draco's quarters in the barracks based solely on these three morsels of knowledge:

• Draco Dreamsailer is a dick
• A drunken, ranting dwarf at the tavern says "I've seen people at the barracks who shouldn't be at the barracks" and then promptly runs away
  
• A heretofore unnoticed beggar says "Wisdom hides behind a hairy face" before running away. 

--which is exactly what the module wants you to do. Weird.

To be fair, this group is made up of characters from my Lankhmar campaign, which is to say, they are experienced urban adventurers.  Every adventure intro they've heard has just been a set up for breaking into someone's place. And they treated the mission not so much as "let's find out what's going on in the barracks" but as "Draco sounds like a big jerk, let's rob him blind." And so they did, stealing everything they could carry and defacing anything they couldn't. Punk kids. 

The session ended with them still in Draco's quarters strategizing how to get their booty out of the barracks without anyone noticing. They had not yet deciphered the secret note.

Group 2

Probably a misstep, but I told the old timers that this was an "Expert" module; it should be noted that these cronies of mine are all AD&D snobs, most of whom skipped Basic D&D entirely--Holmes or otherwise--back in the day and thus have always looked down on B/X as training wheels for real D&D. This attitude has not softened one iota in the ensuing 40+ years; knowing that this is an Expert module immediately put them in a mood.  

 

And so, the cranky old dudes were downright offended that they should give a shit about the fate of a crapwater town and its lunatic Duke. Furthermore, they nearly assaulted Erik the Beggar-Priest for refusing to elaborate on his inanely cryptic "advice" about hairy faced wisdom. I wrote a piece about Gingerbread Man NPCs when I covered A3 Aerie of the Slave Lords many years ago, these are (most of) the same dudes who were present that night 40 years ago.

They did, however, cooperate enough to proceed with the adventure. Based on the Dwarf's comment about people coming and going at the Barracks, they decided to stake out the place posing as workers sent to repair the rickety catwalk on the walls of the barracks. The way the modge is set up, staking the place out will never provide any info, so I improvised: a messenger with a shaved head and black robes appears, enters the main building then leaves shortly after. They decided to follow him, and he leads them back to the Temple of Cretia--the map of which I didn't have ready in Roll20, so at this point we were theater-of-the-mind-ing it. That's ok, because when they walked in and saw the demon statue of the god of chaos right there in the main worship hall, they correctly assumed that these guys are the baddies and set fire to the joint. Holy war anyone?

The PCs returned to the scene of the crime the next night to investigate the ruins and--as it was the only portion still mostly intact--found Xanathon's secret lair. At this point we're playing this for laughs, so I had Xantho still holing up in his den even though his temple was in ruins around him. He immediately attacked because that's what the key to his lair says he's gonna do. 

Invincible! For now...

Following the script of the modge, the invincible Xanathax tells the PCs that their only chance of defeating him must be found "Deep in the earth and high in the sky at the same time!" Because his kryptonite is in a cave in the mountains. Clever, right? And this message is delivered while he is beating the crap out of the party with his super-mace (2d6+2 dmg). I had him side-eyeing the map hanging on the wall as he said this--the map that shows the location of the Shrine where his soul can be found. Yes, that is in the module. The PCs took the hint and pulled the map off the wall--revealing a door which leads to Xanthanon's lab. 

Anyone who's read the modgel will know that there is no door to Xanthimitar's lab. What there is instead is a Module Writers Fiat (MWF) proclaiming that the lab cannot be discovered until after the PCs have retrieved Xanistan's soul.  Readers, if you have any question how I feel about MWFs, let me assure you that I loathe them. So I placed a hidden--not secret--door behind the map. (I also generally feel that secret doors are waaaaaaay overused in D&D). Up yer's Module Writer's Fiat!

Anyway, they went off and found Xinnabon's soul in the chimera cave--I mean, it's on the cover, it must be an important scene, no? No, it's just a cave on the way to the Shrine that the PCs probably won't even encounter. But I didn't have the Shrine map set up in Roll 20 so I just dumped Xanithan's soul in the chimera cave to speed things along.

 

The posse brought X's soul crystal back to Rhoona, but were unsure how to use it. Or, frankly, why to use it, since they never bothered to search Draco's pad and don't know about the whole curse plot. Breaking back into Xan-n'-tonic's burnt-out hovel, they whip out the Soul. Xanathon cringes away from it like a vampire to daylight [this is a DM embellishment that is not in the module] so they torment him by bringing it closer until he's in agony [further embellishment]. With the X-man writhing in pain, they negotiate a deal: as long as he does everything they say whenever they say it, they won't kill him. We ended with the Party deliberating whether to murder the jerk anyway. Ruthless bastards.

Curse of Xanathon Part 1: The Anguish of Erik of Forsett

King of Vestland

As I mentioned in my last post about Douglas Niles's B5 Horror on the Hill, I promised to write my next post on Douglas Niles's X3 Curse of Xanathon, a mid level adventure set in the City of Rhoona, in the Kingdom of Vestland. B/Xers might recognize this as the world of Mystara. Or they might not, what the hell do I know?

The premise of the modge is that the PCs have arrived in the city of Rhoona only to find that it's ruler, the Ducal Duke Steven, has been passing a bunch of comically insane decrees that, while good for a laugh, are destroying the morale of his people and the economy of his Duchy.

What's going on is that the Duke has been cursed by Xanathon, Priest of the demon god Cretia, who is openly worshiped in the largest temple in the city. His plan is to weaken the Duchy so that the Ethangareans from the plains to the north of the duchy can wander in and take over the joint. Allied with Xanathon is the head of the Ducal Guard, Draco Stormsailer, a potent fighter who enforces the Ducal Decrees with, ahem, draconian zeal. 

And yes, the word "Ducal" is used an awful lot in the module write up.

The only evidence of this plot is an encoded confession written by Xanathon and found in Draco's quarters. Don't worry about the code, there's a helm of deciphering sitting next to the message on Draco's desk. What you have to worry about is the thin motivation provided for getting the PCs to sneak into the Ducal Guard's quarters in the first place.

What follows is a comprehensive list of all the information that the PCs will be provided with in order to risk life and limb sneaking into Draco's quarters in the Barracks: 

• Draco is generally regarded as having an undo amount of influence over the Duke
• A ranting dwarf in a tavern informs the PCs that the dwarves [hired to build a wall at the castle] "have noticed people who don't belong [in the barracks] coming and going" No indication as to who these "people who don't belong" are is provided.
  
• A heretofore unknown beggar approaches them shortly after the dwarf's rant and says "wisdom may hide behind a hairy face." The beggar also refuses to elaborate further.
  
• If the PCs have still not figured out what to do, the unknown beggar--who is, in fact, a 14th level cleric and the High Priest of the Temple of Forsetta the Lawful, the most prominently worshiped deity in town--will track them down a day later and--still in beggar garb--mutter to them "Seek your answers in the lair of the Draco!" before again running off.
  

If that's not enough reason for the PCs--who are not natives of Rhoona and therefore don't have a vested interest in this plot--to break into the Ducal Barracks and thoroughly search the place, risking confrontation with a large host of lawfully (ie. good) aligned guardsmen then X3 is not for them.

Anyway, while researching the module I discovered the following excerpts from the journal of Erik of Forsett, the aforementioned High Priest of the Temple of Forsetta and wannabe PC ally.

From the Journal of Erik of Forsett, High Priest of Forsetta:

Day 10 of Month 4, Year 12 of the Ducal Reign of Steven 

At last, I've spotted what I hope will be a worthy group to save Rhoona from the maleficent influence of those vermin from the plains, the Ethangareans. His Ducalness, Steven was mad to allow them to build such a large temple for their malignant cult, larger by far than our own temple of Forsetta the Lawful! 

And his recent Ducal Decrees confirm that madness has struck our esteemed Steven, Duke of Rhoona. It's been 10 days since he demanded that taxes be paid solely in beer, already all of the taverns and breweries in town are depleted entirely of malted beverage.

And three days ago he decreed that all horses must be ridden whilst facing the animal's tail. Now even the noblest fop has been forced to sully his slippers on the streets, leading his horse by the tether. 

And Draco Stormsailor, Master of the Ducal Guard, seems to take great delight in enforcing these insane decrees. I am convinced he is in league with Xanathon, the Cretian priest.

Which is why I was so excited to spot a group of adventurers arriving in town by ship. A group which included a dwarf, a magic-user, 2 thieves, and a goodly number of fighters. They appeared to be mid level adventurers, with total levels of 35-50.  [It should be noted that these are the party composition suggestions provided in the "Notes for the Dungeon Master" section of the module. How Erik, an NPC in the module, gained access to this type of meta information is unknown--D. Chux.]

I can't approach them now, I'll have to wait for the right moment so as to maximize the impact of my cryptic words.

Vestry meeting tomorrow at sundown. Must remember to pick up a parcel of sweet buns and a pot of marmalade beforehand.

Day 11

Attired as a beggar, I tracked down The Party at the Tavern of the Crystal Corset. It's good I go unnoticed in this garb, should anyone see the High Priest of Forsetta the Lawful in such an establishment I would have some explaining to do. 

A verbose dwarf is ranting at the bar, angry--like everyone else in town--at the beer shortage. The Party seem amused by the dwarfs antics. It expresses its hatred of Draco Stormsailer, blaming him for much that has gone wrong in this city of late; perhaps this dwarf can be of use to me. 

But before I can act there's a commotion outside; I hear the trumpet of the Ducal Herald. Will this be yet another madness-induced decree? We all run outside to hear the latest. 

Curmudgeonly for good reason.

Forsetta save us! His Ducalness has declared war on the nation of Rockhome; the homeland of the dwarves. Furthermore, all dwarves within city limits are on notice to clear out within the hour or have their beards shaved off and there diminutive bodies stretched on a rack. The only dwarves in town are the very ones that his Ducalness has hired to renovate the Ducal Palace. Who will finish the work now? 

Despite the threat of imminent torture, the ranting dwarf returns to the tavern--I suppose to finish its mug of over-priced cider--and renews its tirade against Draco, adding some bit about the "Dwarves see things, people coming and going at the Barracks that shouldn't be." then runs off, presumably to get out of town before the shaving commences. This is my moment, I approach The Party, who are still watching the diminutive figure walk away, and catching the attention of one of the goodly fighters, I say "Wisdom may hide behind a hairy face" and quickly slink away, even as he calls to me "what was that?" 

That should do the trick. With a little luck, they'll have uncovered the plot by midnight tonight.

Stopped off at the bakery for 2 dozen sweet rolls and a dozen cheese pastries. Must remember to get reimbursed from petty cash. 

Day 12

The vestry meeting was tumultuous last night, they were particularly annoyed that I forgot the marmalade. Whiny bastards. And I lost the receipt from the bakery so the Treasurer won't reimburse me the 12 silver I spent on the pastries.

Anyway, I spent the day loitering around the barracks in my beggars outfit hoping to catch some news of The Party's actions, but nothing. Silence. All quiet on the western front. Did they succeed so well that they raised no alarm? Or is it bad news, did they fail to understand my message?

As dusk approaches I head back to the Crystal Corset tavern and inquire with the landlord as to The Party's whereabouts. He clearly wants me to buy something before he talks so I order an overpriced carafe of wine. My first sip reveals that is a fortified wine from the Night Train vineyards. My beggar guise is working too well.

"Them blokes with the goodly fighters? Yeah, they skipped town yesterday. There was a dwarf in their party, you can't really expect them to stick around after that latest Ducal Decree. And they had paid upfront for a week's lodging; I had to refund them! Damn Duke, first he takes all the beer, now he's driving off paying customers. What's next? Banishing the light of the sun?"

"Did they say where they were headed?" I asked.

"Sure, they said something about seeking the wisdom of the dwarves in Rockhome."

Egad!  

Ah, but luck is on my side. Before I finish my enhanced wine, another party enters the pub. No dwarf this time, but goodly fighters and thieves and a fellow with a pointy cap adorned with stars; they should do the trick. I approach them and deliver my line: "Wisdom may hide behind a hairy face"

"Hey Ralph, this coot thinks you're pretty wise" says one of the thieves to the pointy-capped companion who, to be fair, does have a beard. 

"Get yourself another round" he says and hands me a few copper pieces.

These dullards, with the current beer drought in town, a few coppers won't buy you anything worth drinking. 

I need to lay all my cards on the table here and now, I blurt out "Seek your answers in the lair of the Draco!" 

"Thanks but I'll be seeking my answers in a different kind of lair," he says as he turns toward a pair of comely ladies who've just approached the bar. 

My cause is lost.  

Day 13

Another Ducal Decree; the insanity continues:

Henceforth, no burning of combustibles during the "period of the sun's resting, lest we incur the jealous wrath of his heatful self [the sun]"

Fortunately we can light the temple with our Forsetta-given powers, but the commoners will be living in the dark.

Day 14

Why are adventurers such dunderheads! In my disguise I approached 3 more gangs of mid-level adventurers with my subtle call to action. Two parties did not even pause to acknowledge me, treating me as if I were a common beggar! The third replied:

"Draco, that's Latin for dragon, no? Are you saying there's a dragon lair nearby? Can you lead us there?" 

Perhaps it is a matter that without the ranting dwarf to provide context for my cryptic clues, I am at a disadvantage.

Day 18

At last I finally found a party willing to investigate the Ducal Barracks! I had to lay out the entire plot for this group of dullards but they ultimately agreed to check out the barracks, and they're doing it tonight! The plot behind the Ducal Madness will soon be revealed and we'll be freed of the evil presence of Cretia!

Day 19

Oh, what have I wrought? During the night, the Ducal Barracks were burned to the ground, 40 guardsmen dead or missing including three of the highest officers of the Ducal Guard, all patrons of the Temple of Forsetta in good standing. Witnesses claim to have seen a group of well-armed adventurers fleeing the inferno toward the docks, each burdened with bulging sacks. And yet His Ducalness has imprisoned the few surviving guardsmen and servants for defying the decree against igniting combustibles during the hours of darkness. 

Father Gorton, Pater of the Church of the Spuming Nooga is coming over for our monthly ecumenical conference this week. Perhaps I'll make fishsticks for the occasion.

Horror on the Hill: Wherein I declare my bloodfeud with Imagine Magazine

The horror!

A few days ago I got a call from Dread Rosgool, Associate Vice Deputy Director of Blogging Operations at DiceChucker Enterprises. Dread Ros had this to say:

Dread Rosgool: Your position with DiceChucker Enterprises is dependent on content, and you're just not producing. The Board wants your ass fired last week but I've convinced them to give you 48 hours to come up with something. If you don't, they'll replace you with a friggin' bot from ChatGPT. 

Me:        Oh, that might be interesting. 

Dread:   And they'll cut off your subscription to--

Me:       I only read it for the articles!

Dread:   --the Cheese of the Month Club.

Me:       Oh, that. Heheh...

Dread:   Moving on. As you've specialized in obsessing over dead modules from the 80s--

Me:       Hommlet came out in the 70s.

Dread:   Shut up and let me finish--

Me:       Just saying, so that the pedants don't get after us.

Dread:   As if the pedants are still reading the dessicated corpse of your blog? Anyway, why don't you take a crack at B5 Horror on the Hill.

B5 Horror on the Hill--by our old friend Douglas Niles of Reptile God fame--was published in 1983. By this time TSR had gotten over it's awkward pubescence; the acne had cleared up, voice had settled down, and they'd traded in their 70s bell bottoms and Fonz t-shirts for 80s polo shirts and dockers. [EDIT: I've since learned that the Dockers brand was not introduced until 1986; what were we calling the trousers worn by douchebags in 1983?] Reflecting the new fashions, this is the first "B" module to feature TSR's new "trade dress" characterised by the dragon ampersand logo still in use today and removal of the list of other D&D products on the back cover. 

Here's the setup to the adventure: your [level 1-3] PCs are chillin' at a river outpost named "Guido's Fort" which is dominated by an ominous, smoke-spewing hill across the river. Sadly--and this is likely the reason that no one ever cared about this module--we don't learn much about Guido's Fort other than it's got an inn named the "Lion's Den" wherein can be found an "Old Timer" which is not, as one might suppose, a venerable clock but rather an elderly NPC.

Side note: the wikipedia page for Horror on the Hill mentions a review from Imagine magazine which praises the lack of detail of Guido's Fort as a positive feature because "it can be easily incorporated into an existing campaign." To which I say to the chowderheads at Imagine: how many people decided that they couldn't run the Keep on the Borderlands because it was too difficult to incorporate such a detailed keep into their campaign?

Anyway, the "Old Timer" is willing to share--at the rate of one rumor per beer consumed--his knowledge about The eponymous Hill across the river. Let's take a minute to discuss the river. It's called the River Shrill, as in high pitched, piercing; one expects a fast running, boulder strewn, cacophonous confluence, right? But this River Shrill is a mile freakin' wide--Shrill indeed, this is a subsonic bass drum of a waterway! 

Side note to the dullards at Imagine: wouldn't it be rather difficult to squeeze this module into your existing campaign if you don't have any mile-freakin'-wide rivers in it?

And just as a visual reference, I did a non-comprehensive survey of rivers of North America and came up with 3 that are  ~1 mile wide for a significant stretch: the Hudson south of the Tappan Zee, the St. Lawrence downstream of the Thousand Islands to ~the Ogdensburg-Prescott Bridge, and the Columbia for a stretch where it forms the WA-OR border east of the Cascade Mtns. Those of you who live near one of these reaches can run out and have a look.

Rosgool's reason for choosing this particular old-timey module was that it hasn't garnered much attention in the digital age. After reading it, I can understand why. It's not that this modge is a turkey, it's just sort of ... fine. It's got a significant hexcrawl component followed by a dungeon exploration through an abandoned monastery dedicated to a demon god. Pretty standard fare, it exudes the competent blandness of Mentzer era D&D. It lacks a plot--unusual for a Niles module--and also fails to provide a significant town component, which could have been its saving grace. Which is why I've given up on this project and decided to review a different Douglas Niles work that does include a town: X3 Curse of Xanathon.

The Rogue Class

As a person who is old enough to remember life before The Simpsons, I am contractually obligated to loathe all post-TSR versions of D&D. Thankfully, the Gizzards of the Roast have made that easy to do for one very specific reason: they changed the Thief class into the "Rogue" class. 

If you're new around here and want to read up on the antipathy all sensible people should  I hold for this choice, click this link. If you don't want to read all that tripe, it boils down to this: rogue is a disposition, not a character class.

That said, "rogues" have been a part of Big D for a long time now and there are entire generations of upstanding nerds who have only known the sneaktastic, lockpicking, wall-climbing class by the name "rogue." They don't see rogue for the bowdlerization that it is. They don't realize that the name "rogue" was genetically fused onto the once-lovable thief class by cross pollinating an embittered, castrated wallaby with a 3 month old tuna sandwich. It's no wonder that rogues in 5e have lost the ability to climb walls and backstab.

"Leave me out of this!"

In an effort to educate these youthful, innocent D&D folk who know not the sneakery of the thief but only the pretentiousness of the rogue, I have developed a character class more in keeping with the title "Rogue."

Rogue Character Class

Solipsistic to the extreme, rogues believe themselves to be misunderstood by everyone and, should you accidentally make eye contact with one, will remind you of this fact volubly. They excel at irritating friend and foe alike and can be counted on only to do what's not expected of them. They are a cancer on adventuring parties everywhere. 

Rogues can perform the following abilities:

Rogue abilities

Chide in Shadows (or elsewhere): Thru insults and antagonistic behavior, a Rogue can make anyone within 30' of them less effective at whatever it is they are trying to achieve. Be it combat, spellcasting, or scoring with the hottie at the tavern, the annoying babble of the Rogue will ruin your chance of success. On a successful Chide roll, the target is -1 for every level of the offending rogue who is antagonizing them.

Move Stridently: Rogues need you to know just how little they care what you think of them. As such, on a successful Move Stridently roll, they move about like a peacock on parade, demonstrating complete disdain for the situation they are in. All sentient beings within 60' must save vs. Irritation or spend their action for the round rolling their eyes in disdain. 

Scoff at traps: Did I mention that rogues do not give a crap? Well, they don't. They're guaranteed to scoff at danger, including whatever traps, real or supposed, might be associated with that treasure chest you've just found. On a successful Scoff roll, the trap has triggered but somehow--and much to the disappointment of everyone--has not affected the rogue.

Ignore Noise: What? You have an opinion on a matter? Rogues don't care! They're rogues; they don't think like you, act like you, or, least of all, dress like you. When offered sound advice, a reasonable plan, or a practical outfit, a rogue must roll a 15 or higher on a d6 or take the most deleterious option available.

Climb: On a successful climb roll, the rogue has climbed onto a nearby item of furniture, crate, fence or other, slightly elevated surface and has begun to pontificate on how the world is wrong and only they know the truth or some such annoying bullshit. They'll probably mention "Sheeple" a few times. It's best to ignore them.

Backstab: Through aggressive narcissism, those around a competent Rogue will be inspired to shove a knife into the rogue's ribs. Whenever the rogue cracks wise at an inappropriate moment, insults the dragon whose aid you are trying to enlist, or what have you, all PCs positioned behind the rogue must save versus Douchebaggery, subtracting the rogue's level from the die roll, or stab the rogue in the back for double damage. If the damage roll is low, the DM will gladly allow one or more re-rolls.

Rogue's Cant: There are a lot of things rogues cant do, to list them all here would be burdensome. If something comes up in your game, unless it involves being irritating or self absorbed, it's probably safe to assume that Rogues cant do it.

Weapons: Telling Rogues which weapons are appropriate for their class only invites them to ignore you. As such, Rogues use only the most esoteric, ineffective weapons available, preferring those that are also difficult to pronounce and cumbersome to carry.

Back to the Swamp: N1 Curse of the Reptile God

Yo' Dicechucks, you've been silent since July. What the heck are you up to?

Thank you for asking. What happened was this: I started playing 5E online--using a psudonym of course--during the pandemic. Someone leaked this secret to the OSR police and they busted me on charges of Taking Opportunity Attacks in the First Degree and Rolling Charisma Checks with Malicious Intent. The outfall is that my blogging rights have been revoked. DiceChucker Enterprises Legal Team has been working on getting a reinstatement; they've managed to get a temporary easement that allows me to post old material that was written before I went afoul of The Law. So here is a piece I wrote up 7 years ago when I went on my N1 tirade. Read it quickly, before the pigs shut me down again.

I've gone on record as saying that the Naga in the basement of N1 was perhaps not the best choice of critter to base your entire cult on. Besides being far too powerful an opponent for the posse of novice PCs who are supposed to be going through this adventure, the naga charm ability is just a Mass Charm spell which doesn't really create the creepy side effects that the module calls for. The cursed townspeople of Orlanes often were characterized as losing interest into complete apathy regarding their work and or family. And the cursed cleric of Marrakesh was so far gone that he defiled the sacred tomes at the church and kidnapped a young girl from the neighborhood to be his sex slave. Nothing about a mass charm spell would cause that sort of reaction.

 

Of course you could just change the Naga so it's a less powerful critter, but then it seems unworthy of your worship. How about an ancient artifact of evil? I like the sound of that because it allows us to redefine the charm to handle the range of results that are described in the module. So instead of a Naga it's a statue of a magic constrictor snake with a woman's head that comes to life under the full moon. When the statue comes to life it encircles the victim in its coils and infiltrates their will with it's hypnotic gaze. In this way it can manufacture 5-10 new "cult members" per full moon.

How to Read the AD&D Rules XIV: Grappling with Non-Lethal Combat

In my rush to pummel you with VATAPGOA last time, I overlooked some of the basics of unarmed combat. For instance, I kept calling it "unarmed combat." Of course that's not the term that was actually used in the original Guidebook for Masters of Dungeon-like Structures; rather, it was called "non-lethal and weaponless combat." Henceforth I shall call it some variation on that terminology. Or I'll make up another acronym, how about NLAWC? Too bad, I'm running with it. 

I also failed to mention that there are three different forms of weaponless combat: 

• Pummeling
• Grappling
• Overbearing

Pummeling is, obviously, punching, and grappling is wrestling--WWE style. Overbearing is that loud jackass who won't shut up about their stupid opinions. Yes, I included this list just for that punchline.

But D-Chux, what makes this combat non-lethal? 

I forgot to mention that only 25% of any damage inflicted from a punch or grapple is actual, "permanent" damage--50% of Overbearing damage is permanent, but overbearing tends to inflict a lot less damage than the other 2 forms of NLAWC. The rest will be temporary dmg which heals at a rate of 1 hp per round. 

So if you punch a guy for 4 dmg, he subtracts 4 from his HP total, but 3 of those pts are going in the temporary file, and he'll get one of them back next round. If he takes no more damage in the fight, he'll have all 3 temporary HP back in 3 rounds/minutes. He'll have to sleep off the last hit point over night. 

If you get knocked to 0 or less HP, you're out cold. You regain 1 HP per round, so if you get punched down to -3 HP, you will be conscious once you've returned to 1 HP, or 4 rounds. Unless your permanent HP have been reduced to 0, in which case you're dead. It can happen; non-lethal combat is not always non-lethal.

One more thing: First Attack Initiative is determined by following this order of operations: 

1. surprise, 
2. charging to attack, 
3. higher dex, 
4. higher die roll. 

It doesn't say what die to roll but presumably it's the standard initiative roll. There's also this weird sentence:

"Whichever first occurs determines the first attack for the round, so in most cases the pummeling attacker will go first in the first round." [L'emphasis est de moi]

Huh? Are pummeling attackers inherently more likely to surprise their opponents? To have higher dexterity? How does the second half of that sentence make any sense? If JB or someone can explain that to me I'd greatly appreciate it.

Next week we'll get into Grappling and Overbearing, I promise.